oh god...what a bad blogger i have been

i am so sorry for not catching up with your lovely comments, i have been busy, and actually in all honesty forgot about this blog.

but i shall try to post more often from now on.


thanks for your feedback!

deprived

She tells me she cares,
a friend, a fiend,
a liar.
She tells me to overcome my fears,
to remove the thorn,
but it isn't that easy.
She never knew loss,
she never knew pain,
she never knew heartbreak,
she never knew love.

I did. I know.
It will haunt me till I become one
with the soil.

He said it was my fault,
he said he didn't care,
when clearly he did,
each and every day,
when clearly he does,
each and every day,
when clearly he will,
each and every day.

He knows he drained me
of every happiness,
every hope.

Yet he continues to taunt me,
staring into my eyes,
teasing me,
reminding me I can't have him
any more.
Reminding me I am deprived.

V-Day Story

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

*psst...still working on Chapter 1...it is proving to be harder than I thought :( *

in the meanwhile...

chapter 1 is on its way...sorry to keep you waiting

here is a poem I wrote in English:

a ghost of a bond

it is 10:27
in the morning and the light
is blinding against the
snow and we talk
but not with each other
we know me
we know you
but not who we are
together as one
a mental bond that no one
can detect
a secret--
shh... --
love that exists beyond this
dimension in a totally
twisted world where
ignorance does not exist
and we acknowledge
we acknowledge
but not here
you don't see me crying
hot tears of heartbreaking
misery
and you just live as if no
ethereal relationship exists between
US
how sweet it sounds but it
doesn't exist.
not here.

what do you think???

hiatus

So sorry about the large gaps between my posts.

It is just that it takes time writing stuff :)

I shall be back with a chapter 1 by the end of this month, once midterms are over ^_^

Oh, I hope everyone had a lovely holiday and a fantastic New Year's!

If you have any suggestions, please do not hesitate to comment about them.

I shall see you in around a month. Until then, keep waiting for the next chapter :)

toodles

<3 lise

The weekend before the Thanksgiving weekend, I had a dream, and it was so lovely, yet so mysterious and haunting that I had a strong urge to write it down somewhere. However, I haven't been privileged with too much free time, and with another blog, I barely get enough time to devote to this one. But, finally, I finished my homework, finished practicing dance, and all I have to do is read The Scarlet Letter. It is 8:27 pm at the moment, so why don't I start off with the story now?

Preface

It is funny how just a few words can be so powerful that they stop your heart from beating, just for a moment, and turn your world upside down. All the happiness inside you just leaks out of your system, and sorrow and misery replace it, in only a matter of mere seconds.

I never thought I would ever hear him say those dreaded words, but I had a feeling the minute we kissed last summer, that something would go wrong in our relationship, a friendship that I believed couldn't be torn even if it was being tugged at by a herd of elephants from either side. I was wrong.

He texted me to meet him at the park that one night at the end of April. It had been months since I last saw him before that, ever since I went off to high school as a freshman, and he stayed in the middle school as an eighth grader. We came home at different times, and never got a chance to even say so much as a "hi."

It was chilly that night, but warm enough for me to wear my favorite skirt, a voluminous plum colored bubble-hem. I slid into matching ballet flats, and stepped out into the sweet smelling spring night.

As I searched for him at the park, I was disappointed to see that he wasn't there. Was this a prank, a trick, or did something happen to him? I was just beginning to get worried when I heard a suave voice say my name behind me. I turned around, and there he was, looking at me with the familiar black eyes that I have always loved, and always will love. But that night, his eyes weren't the soft charcoal black that I remembered, but rather a cold onyx. His eyes alone were enough to tell me that something was up. Something bad.

"Lise," he said again. This time there was a hard edge to his voice, and it sounded as if he was in pain. His midnight black hair came down to his ear lobes, and was disheveled, another sign that something was wrong. His hair was usually cropped short, and stood up in soft spikes. I was so confused, but so afraid of what he was going to say.

"Why'd you call me? It sounds like you don't have any good news," I said, slowly and quietly.
"You're right, I don't,"

"What's up Todd? It's been over four months since we've seen each other, talked, laughed together. Why did you have to bring bad news tonight?"

"I'm sorry Lise." There were tears in his eyes.

"Wh-What?"

"Oh! How am I going to tell you this without hurting you?" He was crying now. I reached for his hand, but he pulled away. "I know how important our friendship is to you. And you are so sensitive, you take everything to heart," he said.

"Where are you going with this?" I was afraid now. I had a scary feeling he was going to leave me forever.

"I can't be with you anymore. I fell in love with you, Lise, and I realized that when we kissed last summer. I never felt so happy before,"

"Me neither,"

"But, I also realized that we were only allowed only one kiss in our relationship," he said, staring at the grass.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I was so madly in love with you...wow this sounds so corny..." he chuckled sadly. "I loved you so much, I was afraid that if we became, an--er--item, our friendship would crumble, and be gone forever. We would never be able to joke with each other, and just have fun. Everything would be so serious,"

"So why can't we just stay as friends now?" There were tears in my eyes too now.

"I won't be able to bear it. It is ironic, but I just can't stay as friends when you're driving me crazy! Right now, I am trying so hard to not kiss you. Everything about you is so perfect, your expressive mahogany eyes, your small little nose, and especially your soft, pouty lips. You're beautiful. I don't think I can hold myself back any longer. Which is why we can't have anything to do with each other anymore,"

"This is all about you, now isn't it?" I was getting angry now. "Just because you would be in pain, you are leaving to make yourself feel better about yourself! Do you have any idea how I will feel when you are gone? Did you ever think--" My knees sank to the ground, and I started to shake as I sobbed.

"You have no idea how lonely I felt the past four months, Todd, you have no idea." I looked up at him, with so much hate that he flinched. I got up from my knees, smoothed out my skirt, and left him without even saying "goodbye." I was disgusted that he would do such a thing.

"Lise, I am sorry! I love you! I love you!" he called behind me, and I knew that he spoke the truth, but it was just so hard for me to listen to him. The tears were uncontrollable now, and I was positive my eyeliner was smudging. But I didn't care. Smudged eye makeup was the least of my problems.

So what did you think? Actually, to be honest, this part was not in my dream, but I needed to explain a little background info about the events that lead up to the events in the dream.

Please give me feedback!

an unexpected turn of events

She looked intensely into his eyes, pools of the deepest cobalt you would ever find. She searched for some glimmer of sincerity, something that proved that she fell for him with reason, some excuse for the love she felt towards him. But all she could see were fires of arrogance, blazing red and crackling loudly, mocking her, betraying her heart.

"Tell me," she said. "Tell me why you are so hotheaded."

He said nothing.

"Why is it that all you care about is you, and no one else, nothing else. You are always right, everything you do is acceptable in society. Everyone else is lowly compared to you, right?"

He looked up, his eyes protesting, trying to convince her that what she said wasn't true. She wasn't moved.

"Why is it that you, knowing how I felt, hurt me this way? WHY? Do you have any idea about how much my heart has been stabbed by your words, your looks, your sadistic ways? No. You don't know anything. You think you do, but you don't. I wish you did, though, 'cause then you would know me. You would know how my stomach used to flip every time I saw you. You wouldn't have let me bleed this way. You wouldn't have."

She shook her head in disappointment, wiped the tears that were streaming out of her eyes, and turned away from him. He caught her wrist before she left.

"What?" she asked, refusing to look him in the eye. And before she knew it, he brushed his lips across her forehead, and she saw the hot tears that trickled down his cheeks.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I never thought I would. I never knew you felt that way. I always thought you hated me, and was scared to tell you that...that...I..."

"Yeah?" she prompted.

"That I...er..." But before he could finish, she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a tight squeeze.

"You don't have to finish," she said. "Thank You."

"I love you," he finished anyways. Hearing those three words made her heart thump so hard, it practically leaped out of her rib cage. She smiled, and looked up at him, and this time, she found what she was looking for in his eyes: love.